I am writing this article in response to my own experience with ableism. As an able-bodied educator for people with disabilities, I have continually been confronted with power and how it is used in the training environment. I have trained people with disabilities on issues of sexuality and sexual assault with varying degrees of success. As an educator, I have come to realize there is usually a specific definition of success that actually limits the interaction and thinking of the community. There are times that I have completed lesson plans without fail, made all the points I needed to make, and at the end had an audience that engaged. I would walk away from these meetings feeling excited that people with disabilities were getting vital information and were finally given a chance to talk about it. But even in the most successful trainings, there has often been a feeling that most of the information I was presenting was not being received.

It is common that the disabled community, especially the developmentally-disabled community, is blamed for limits in communication or education. But when I search my own experience, it is my own limits that have inhibited the learning experience. I think it comes from fear and a sense of duty to traditional methods of teaching. It has been easier to place my unsettled feelings on the lap of the disabled community than to recognize where I am limiting the learning. I have been working from an agenda based on a specific definition of success that is fundamentally ableist.

I have come to realize that my definition of training actually invaded the community. I would open up a taboo subject and tightly control the thinking about the subject by keeping with my timeline and discussion points. Ultimately my definition of a successful training was not safe nor empowering to the audience. By controlling the thinking of the group and the possibilities of discussion, I had continued the experience of holding power out of reach.

The first thing I encountered when I recognized my ableist use of power in education was the myth that surrounds the community about their capacity to lead their own liberation. As I sat with this I remembered trainings where I silenced people wanting to share their stories of sexual assault. I would not follow questions that took us into areas that were too far off the agenda. I would usually tie their comment into what I was focusing on to return to the task of defining the term rape or identifying genitals. I did not do this with a plan to stop the authentic process that was happening; I did this because of the framework that I was working within. To be successful, I needed to complete my agenda and move the group to a particular thought about sex, sexuality and assault. I did not recognize the critical need to follow the community as they find liberation in their own way.

It is important that information is available to a community rarely given a forum to hear about dynamics of sexual violence. But, this information is not the centerpiece of an experience of liberation and it is not the goal of education. The information needs to be accessible and used by the community as they decide to use it. The questions I need to ask myself and the disabled community are:

•	What does the community need to feel like they can lead themselves through a process of learning and liberation?
•	What does the community need to feel safe when discussing the topics of sex, rape and power?
•	What information and support needs to happen from the able-bodied community so the ally relationship is real and effective?